Struggling with sexual identity(childhood problems)?

I know this section gets a ton of these. But I need help because I am 18 and am going to college and fear I will never discover love. I know by my own heart I am not really straight I am guilty of doing many homosexual acts through out my life. I have had my female crushes too and they were genuine. But I think my homosexual acts seem to augment my reality and send me into a downward spiral of confusion. I have done to 3 main things that are considered gay 1.) as far back as I can remember, age 6 I think. I actually exchanged tongue with a boy my age(with his approval of course) I didn't consider it a kiss because I did it for like 2 seconds. I didn't think about it though I just dove right in there. Also age 12 I slept over this boys(he was 11) house and we slept next to each other during our sleep over. He proceeded to touch me in my crotch area and I want to get this clear I wasn't penetrated in any way shape or form. But I actually enjoyed it. I also got up several times to go to the bathroom and he repeated it when I was laying down again. I think he knew I was enjoying myself. 3.) I have been doing gay porn from ages 11-18(of course I coincided it with hetero porn). So whats the point well there is two main points. 1. I love female more romantically inclined to men. I just never fell in love with another dude 2.) I am changing at my current age, I have been inactive in my hetero functions for 6 months. What does this mean, Am I at my peak. Has my body decided to go full on gay. I think about men and I am instantly aroused. I can't get aroused over women no more, no matter how hard I try. Even when I know their hot its just impossible. How can I be romantic with a male, I am confused because my brain is thinking about romantic scenarios with men. I feel dirty Those things I did when I was a young kid, I had no restraints and I just did them. Was I just meant to be gay all along. I am scared I am an adult and need to grow up. But I am afraid of the gay community and how I would treated by them. Also I never imagined me being gay. So what do you think. childhood actions mainly then my current age situation. ia it possible for two men to be romantic?