Sexual identity crisis I need help(childhood related)?

I know this section gets a ton of these. But I need help because I am 18 and am going to college and fear I will never discover love. I know by my own heart I am not really straight I am guilty of doing many homosexual acts through out my life. I have had my female crushes too and they were genuine. But I think my homosexual acts seem to augment my reality and send me into a downward spiral of confusion. I have done to 3 main things that are considered gay 1.) as far back as I can remember, age 6 I think. I actually exchanged tongue with a boy my age(with his approval of course) I didn't consider it a kiss because I did it for like 2 seconds. I didn't think about it though I just dove right in there. Also age 12 I slept over this boys(he was 11) house and we slept next to each other during our sleep over. He proceeded to touch me in my crotch area and I want to get this clear I wasn't penetrated in any way shape or form. But I actually enjoyed it. I also got up several times to go to the bathroom and he repeated it when I was laying down again. I think he knew I was enjoying myself. 3.) I have been doing gay porn from ages 11-18(of course I coincided it with hetero porn). So whats the point well there is two main points. 1. I love female more romantically inclined to men. I just never fell in love with another dude 2.) I am changing at my current age, I have been inactive in my hetero functions for 6 months. What does this mean, Am I at my peak. Has my body decided to go full on gay. I think about men and I am instantly aroused. I can't get aroused over women no more, no matter how hard I try. Even when I know their hot its just impossible. How can I be romantic with a male, I am confused because my brain is thinking about romantic scenarios with men. I feel dirty Those things I did when I was a young kid, I had no restraints and I just did them. Was I just meant to be gay all along. I am scared I am an adult and need to grow up. But I am afraid of the gay community and how I would treated by them. Also I never imagined me being gay. So what do you think. childhood actions mainly then my current age situation. ia it possible for two men to be romantic?i also had nightmares about my gay side being a separate being and beating me up for not accepting me being. It reoccurs rarely but I find it terrifying because I am powerless in that dream.